This is me, letting you go

I live in fantasy all of my life. My little escape turned into something I believe by heart. Maybe because the world is too cruel. Or maybe because I just too weak to handle it all. I don't even want to know anymore.

I live quite happily I guess. I have my dream. I have my reason to moving forward. My motivation to stay. My little happiness. My life is just fine. Even most of it are fantasy, my life is finally fine.

My fantasy world. Fantasy love. Fantasy persona. My fantasy reason to keep me standing.

And it's fine.

People maybe judge, and it's fine.

I'm fine with my life.

I'm happy.

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One day I see one dot. So different and interesting in my fantasy world. I touch it. And it feels real.

It's not comfortable to feel something real in my fantasy world. It's strange. It's made me curious.

Then I touch it more. Holding into it. Before I realized, I already grip on it. Like my life depends on it.

Experiencing real life after such a long time. Real love. Real pain. In some way I hate it.

But my life already depend on it.

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The real me doesn't like to live in fantasy. It's pathetic. It's weird. I want to be normal.

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I'm walking in the real world for some time, until everything feels like dream. Sweet dream. Beautiful dream. The world I thought I supposed to be.

Until something cracked. And I lost my grip. And I fall. Hard.

The time when I realized, oh, this is why I don't like real world. The pain is real. The wounds are real. And you can't twist the narrative as you wish.

It's real, and it's happening. The truth.

People. Real people, are being real people.

Realizing I can't control how people act. They saying things I don't want to hear. Doing things I don't want they're doing. Real world is messy. And cruel. And pathetic.

I feel pathetic. I am pathetic. The real world makes me feel small. And I'm scared.

When my grip fail, I fall for real. It's hurt and I hate it.

I hate it here. I hate the real people. I hate real me.

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I slowly go back to my fantasy world without saying goodbye. Because the real world doesn't care. And the fantasy world are always warm and welcoming as always.

My safe place. My happy place.

The familiar smiles. The familiar faces. The familiar me. I like it here.

My safe place.

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This is me, letting you go.